Friday, May 27, 2011

Don't Know What To Say.

I wake up at 6 o'clock.
Brush my teeth, get on clothes, eat.
Listen to the radio
On the way to another torturous day.

I see my friend.
She pretends not to see me.
Pang pang pang.
A silent sound.
Heard by all but one.

My heart twists in a knot.
Because I don't know
Whether to feel pitiful or envious
Because my friend,
She doesn't know.

Put on a fake smile.
Pretend every thing's okay.
See the looks.
Pang pang pang.

Every painful, depressing day,
Another piece of my heart,
Fades to nothing.

Work hard in Science.
Hardly work in Math.
Ignore the teasing
That I hear in English.

Run in Gym.
I run for one reason.
Because for one minute,
I can get away.
Leave everything behind,
Buried in my dust.

Wait for it to be over.
Two more classes.
How long can it take?
Feels like eternity.

I hear the teachers mention her name,
Talk about how nice she is to everyone.
Sure, everyone who doesn't defy her
If they knew, would it change?

Social Studies teacher, he sees the look
Sees it on my face.
Asks if every thing's alright.
My heart says no.
My mouth says yes.

Yearbook assembly.
Great, I get to stand in front of everyone.
Pretend I like someone
Who's ruined my life.

My name is called.
Clap clap.
Clap clap.
Because they've heard the rumors
That aren't true.

Her name is called.
Loud clapping.
Standing ovations.

I swore, under my breath.
Would you still like her,
If you knew what she's done?
I bet you would.

Because that's how it works.

Final bell rings.
Freedom at last.
How was school?
Good. I lie.

Go home.
Go to my den.
With people I like.
Where I have a life.

Thought about it too long.
Something warm and wet
Slides down my cheek.
For the third time this week.

That cold, sad, twisting feeling.
Too familiar now,
Shows up in my chest.
No wonder how.

Pang pang pang.
Goes my heart.

Truth be told, I don't know if I'm quitting. I feel like I should. But part of me says no. The guidance counselors do nothing. My parents can't do anything. I don't blog to be famous. I blog to share my feelings. To keep a diary. It was a diary about Wizard101, but now it's just me. I think it'll go back to Wizard101 in a while. Either when I'm in high school and Kira's at a different one, or this gets cleared up, or some other reason. But for now, I am very much here, and I'll be around. Don't know when that'll be, but I'll be around.


Thursday, May 26, 2011


I'm in SUCH a bad mood right now.

So congratulation's to all you official bloggers out there. Have fun with your stupid gift card. While the rest of us just stand by and watch you guys gloat. And even though I've been blogging for over a year now, longer than some of the official bloggers, all I get is criticism. No, no one cares that I had to put my cat down. No one cares that I was dragged to a funeral for someone I barely knew two days before my birthday. And you know, it really sucks that because I'm 2,000 miles from Texas, I get that gift card TWO WEEKS after you guys do. So while I watch everyone flaunt their stupid gear all I can do is watch. Sure, it doesn't matter that the bullying is getting worse, and now other kids are joining in. Picking on me, shooting me looks like I'm a freak.

Oh, and by the way, I'm quitting blogging. I've thought about this for a while now, and I think I should go through with it. I'll post now and then, but for now, I'm done. It's too much of a hastle. I'll be on Wizard101, and Twitter, and Skype, and Facebook, but for the time being, it looks like this is


"I'm Nobody! Who are you?
Are you – Nobody – too?
Then there's a pair of us?
Don't tell! They'd advertise – you know!

How dreary – to be – Somebody!
How public – like a frog –
To tell one's name – the livelong June –
To an admiring Bog!" -Emily Dickinson