Friday, May 27, 2011

Don't Know What To Say.

I wake up at 6 o'clock.
Brush my teeth, get on clothes, eat.
Listen to the radio
On the way to another torturous day.

I see my friend.
She pretends not to see me.
Pang pang pang.
A silent sound.
Heard by all but one.

My heart twists in a knot.
Because I don't know
Whether to feel pitiful or envious
Because my friend,
She doesn't know.

Put on a fake smile.
Pretend every thing's okay.
See the looks.
Pang pang pang.

Everyday,
Every painful, depressing day,
Another piece of my heart,
Fades to nothing.

Work hard in Science.
Hardly work in Math.
Ignore the teasing
That I hear in English.

Run in Gym.
I run for one reason.
Because for one minute,
I can get away.
Leave everything behind,
Buried in my dust.

Wait for it to be over.
Two more classes.
How long can it take?
Feels like eternity.

I hear the teachers mention her name,
Talk about how nice she is to everyone.
Sure, everyone who doesn't defy her
If they knew, would it change?

Social Studies teacher, he sees the look
Sees it on my face.
Asks if every thing's alright.
My heart says no.
My mouth says yes.

Yearbook assembly.
Great, I get to stand in front of everyone.
Pretend I like someone
Who's ruined my life.

My name is called.
Clap clap.
Clap clap.
Done.
Because they've heard the rumors
That aren't true.

Her name is called.
Loud clapping.
Cheers.
Standing ovations.

I swore, under my breath.
Would you still like her,
If you knew what she's done?
I bet you would.

Because that's how it works.

Final bell rings.
Freedom at last.
How was school?
Good. I lie.

Go home.
Go to my den.
With people I like.
Where I have a life.

Thought about it too long.
Something warm and wet
Slides down my cheek.
For the third time this week.

That cold, sad, twisting feeling.
Too familiar now,
Shows up in my chest.
No wonder how.

Pang pang pang.
Goes my heart.

Truth be told, I don't know if I'm quitting. I feel like I should. But part of me says no. The guidance counselors do nothing. My parents can't do anything. I don't blog to be famous. I blog to share my feelings. To keep a diary. It was a diary about Wizard101, but now it's just me. I think it'll go back to Wizard101 in a while. Either when I'm in high school and Kira's at a different one, or this gets cleared up, or some other reason. But for now, I am very much here, and I'll be around. Don't know when that'll be, but I'll be around.

Cya!

8 comments:

John Lifeglen said...

Don't despair, Donna. You've got a wonderful network of friends in the spiral rooting for you. Many of them would gladly drop everything to try and help you through this. It always gets worse before it gets better, and it sounds like looking to High School is the start of the upward swing. Hang in there.

--John

Vanessa Sunshade said...

High school is a chance to start over. It will probably be better. And if the kids are the same, maybe the grownups will listen to you then. Not every school has the same teachers. Don't let your bad experiences with one change how you feel about all of them. And I agree with John, it gets worse before it gets better. I speak from experience for most of this. (I haven't been to high school yet.) And about your parents, ask them to go speak to someone in the school. Maybe then they'll listen. Good luck with high school, and with getting these problems fixed.

Shady said...

Donna, you can talk to us on Skype :) We all know how it feels to be that way, it's alright I: Just......don't leave us, you are a FANTASTIC friend.It doesn't matter what those kids say at your school or anything. Look, I am literly the number one person to make fun of at school. And I act like everything is fine. I stay in a good mood on Skype to cheer everyone up, even when I'm not. Just ignore them. A way to freak them out, if you don't mind about the popularity stuff, scream random stuff at them. I can teach you how tp say stuff in different languages that they would have no clue what it means and you'd probably be laughing like crazy. Just.....remember the first song everyone loved on Skype? KEEEEEEEP HOLDING OOOOOOOOOON!

Arlen Dawneyes said...

School is almost over, so don't despair. Keep a piece of hope in your heart, and forget the nightmare. More fun is almost here, plus you've got more friends than you thought, you'll be surprised, how much you've been taught :)

Cody Shadowstrider said...

Dang... I'm so sorry to hear about that... I've always been the popular guy that everyone is begging to be partners with.

Cody Shadowstrider said...

Just say die bozo sie arschloch! to everyone. It means "Die you bozo butthole!" In german! And I gotta go to high school when I'm twelve, this'll be an adventure for both of us! xD

Alyssa said...

Hi Donna. It's me, Destiny.
Sorry to hear about what you've been going through. Truth be told, I think I know EXACTLY what you're going through, minus your cat (very sorry about that, by the way). Most people say that they know what it feels like, that they know what they mean, but no. That's just to make you feel better. But as for me, I DO know what you're going through, I've especially felt it this year. But fortunately, like others have said, school's over now (at least for me it is), so for me at least, that is removing a huge weight off my chest, hope that does the same for you.
And also, I am also starting high school next year with Cody. So, yeah. Thought I'd drop by for a little moment.

-Destiny Seagem

Anonymous said...

if you're talking about me donna,i look and smile but you always miss it, (other times im spacing out down the hallway((whuch i dont care if you think thats an excuse)) but its hard when you look so gloomy..) while making the most horrible face. kira will be gone to cushing, so that will be better 2..